My attitude has changed in the past week.....
For some reason, I no longer want to hear praise, or encouragment and in one way I feel bad about it (and what I've said about NMP) but it's a change in the way I think.
Wether it's part of recovery I just dont know. I mean in theory, I shouldn't even mention it if I was going to stop visiting NMP. Perhaps It's just a blip ?
I've got to know afew really nice and caring people on that forum and i'll always be grateful.
Ok so finding NMP was a god send.
Finding people in the same boat as you, getting support when you are anxious, hanging out in the chatroom late at night. Getting reassurance when you are worried.
All of these things helped me so much and put me on the road to recovery when I was ready for it. It's a great place to go when you know nothing.
But when you realise that the only way to stop anxiety and panic is to accept it and allow it to do its worse during times of hightend tension, you also kind of realise that you dont want to be dwelling in a forum being told you cant discuss this or that because it will upset 'certain members'.
I'm on 24 and my writing is not great. But I have to be honest. These are my thoughts and feelings.
I'm almost angry and very tetchy. Going out daily is zapping my energy but i'm doing it now and i'm not looking back.
One more thing. You dont 'fight panic' when you leave the house.
You allow panic.
I dont believe you will beat it any time soon if your fighting it everyday.
How long!?
11 years ago
Were you Ok while you were watching the film in the cinema? How would you rate your anxiety then on a scale of 1-10?
ReplyDeleteDid something set off your anxiety on the way to the car, or were you already anxious? How would you rate that?
Im just curious (not sure why exactly!).
..I wont give you any praise because you said you dont want any! ;-)
My anxiety was 8 or 9 as i got the tickets in the cinema. It then went up to a 10 when the film started. It took me a good while to stop thinking about leaving the building.
ReplyDeleteI believe i panicked when i left the cinema because i had built it up for 2 hours while watching the film. It was freezing cold and i was only wearing a t-shirt. I also had to walk up a steep hill to the car which always takes my breath away so it was the perfect formula i guess !
As soon as i got in the car the panic went away. Didn't fade or anthing..... just stopped !